When Paul McCartney announced he would play a concert in Tel Aviv to honor Israel’s 60th anniversary, obscure Syrian-born extremist cleric Omar Bakri posted a threatening message on his weekly internet broadcast: “Our enemy’s friend is our enemy. Thus Paul McCartney is the enemy of every Muslim ... If he values his life Mr. McCartney must not come to Israel. He will not be safe there. The sacrifice operatives will be waiting for him.” By “sacrifice operatives,” it’s assumed Bakri is referring to parties other than the fictional followers of Kaili, the murderous Eastern religious cult who chased McCartney and the Beatles from Switzerland to the Bahamas in the 1965 film Help!
But after McCartney rebuffed the threats, saying, “I do what I think and I have many friends who support Israel,” veteran rock star Ted Nugent boldly stepped up to not only offer Paul physical protection, but considerately take some of the heat of the publicity spotlight off the former Beatle with his own press release. Coincidentally, Nugent’s new book hits stores Oct. 6.
“Regardless that Paul and I have our obvious social, cultural and culinary differences outside of music,” Nugent said apparently straight-faced, “I will not bend or waiver to voodoo religious whackjobs and neither should Paul. It would be my pleasure to keep this legendary musical hero safe from terrorists and madmen, and then buy him a nice dinner of tofu.”
Ted, an NRA Board member who claims he’s trained with law enforcement and unspecified military specialists for decades, boasted “I’m Dirty Harry with a ponytail, and I’m at Paul’s service” ― inspiring anyone who recalls Clint Eastwood’s singing in Paint Your Wagon to shudder at the tragic potential of Nugent’s mixed metaphor.
Did we mention the motor city madman’s new book, Ted, White and Blue: The Nugent Manifesto will be available Oct. 6? He did. Repeatedly.