The Police! Van Halen! Led Zeppelin! Stone Temple Pilots! Wham! Since just about every band we never thought would ever get back together in our lifetime has, indeed, gotten back together, we would like to tip our hat to the select few that have resisted the reunion gravy train. Here’s why …
The Smiths
They were
reportedly offered $75-million to get back together a few years ago―and that was just for Morrissey and Johnny Marr. Fortunately, a series of intra-band lawsuits, press-driven feuds, and Morrissey's incredible ability to hold a grudge have conspired to keep the members of the seminal Manchester band far apart. Whew! Now we can hang onto that image of the lithe singer slinking around the stage with
gladiolas hanging out of his back pocket forever.
The Talking Heads
Why don’t we want to see this highly influential New York quartet reform? Just check out the footage from their 2002 Hall of Fame appearance. Go on, check it out. Not that they were ever the hippest band left of the dial, but back in the day there was at least a certain cache of nerdy cool about them that at least made them seem somewhat interesting. Not so much with gray hair, soccer mom pants, and half-speed Afrobeat rhythms. Zzzzz...
The Beastie Boys
While they haven’t officially split up, they might as well. The Beasties last album, The Mix-Up, was completely instrumental. That's worst than not even putting one out. But it's understandable. When they were obnoxious, pimple-faced teenagers, the members of this New York rap trio could make even the most stupid rhymes sound incredible. How stupid? “Like a lemon to a lime a lime to a lemon/ I sip the def ale with all the fly women.” For some reason, it just doesn’t have the same impact coming from three slow-moving, gray-haired Buddhist men in ties.
Hole
Not that we have anything against the 14 musicians who at some point passed through this band, nor the album Live Through This, which was possibly abetted by Kurt Cobain but is definitely a classic―we just don't think it’s a very good idea to put Courtney Love back on the road. She’s likely to either a) undress and nurse a homeless man, b) attack someone, or c) attempt to sing—none of which we really want to see.
The Replacements
While Paul Westerberg and current Guns N’ Roses bassist Tommy Stinson have occasionally come back together in the studio since The 'Mats imploded, they have thankfully resisted the urge to do the full-on reunion thing. That's good because we really, really want to preserve our memories of the vintage Replacements live experience with the band firing its scrappy riffs at top volume, stumbling over each other, and generally acting like huge goofs. Besides, sobriety, maturity, and gray hairs just don't go with classics like "Dope Smokin' Moron" and "G-----n Job".