Killer Androids on a Raygun Rampage
07.24.2006- CST
"Killer Androids on a Raygun Rampage!"
"Can you squeeze in one more blog before you go on tour?" came the plaintive request from Gibson Central Command HQ. Yes I can, but there is a price to pay. This blog is all about gossip, baby, GOSSIP. And lots of photos. No lessons, no pearls of arcane wisdom, nothing of any real substance what-so-ever. That's right, cats & kitties, I'm going to talk about ME. I'm going to PROMOTE OUR TOUR. I'm going to INSULT MY BANDMATES. I'M GOING TO DISPLAY MY KNEES!!
Parents with small children may want to provide viewing supervision.
*WHEW!*, its been a busy past couple-a weeks, rehearsing for our tour with our band -- Danny Weiss (lead guitar), Skip Ward (upright bass), Alan Grubner (fiddle), & Terry McGill (banjo). At the same time we've been taking care of the myriad details that go into touring, including publicity, setting up live radio & TV appearances, pressing the Press for press, working out the itinerary, booking motel rooms, consulting the road atlas, doing laundry, spilling food on the road atlas, booking a cat sitter, wiping food off the road atlas, writing outraged letters to the Campfire Girls of America in pidgin English, and eating until we explode. It's like having 5 or 6 simultaneous full-time jobs, but with food.
I promised photos of the Gibson NYC rehearsal facilities and I mean to deliver. NO, I didn't get one of Liberace's piano, but while perusing the artist lounge for more of that fancy-schmancy grapefruit soda pop that tastes like hospital disinfectant, lookie here what I found:
GIBSON HOT SAUCE! HOW COOL!!
...as well as nearly an entire birthday cake in the 'fridge, which we immediately pounced upon like hungry cheetahs on a dead Thompson's gazelle, washed down with -- wait for it -- beer. Beer & chocolate cake...together!
Who would have ever thought that...um...that it would be twice as disgusting as any rational person would suppose?? But did that stop us?
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. See the hideous results for yourself!
Alan on a massive sugar high:
Terry performing the ritual Kneecap Plumage Display to warn Danny off of his grazing territory:
Saucily placing our manicured buttocks square upon the Gibson logo-emblazoned stool:
...which I promise you is only included here as a cheap joke for your puerile amusement, and no reflection whatsoever on our dear benefactors!
Besides, they won't let me post a photo of the actual buttocks in question, which is probably for the best.
HOT NEWS: For those who haven't heard, it's true. Brandi and I are leaving New York in August for the hills of south-western Virginia, which will be our new base of operations for The Dixie Bee-Liners. This will lower our overhead, make it easier for us to tour more often, and situate us closer to festivals, roots music organizations like Crooked Road, as well as Nashville.
There are many things which we will not miss about New York, such as criminally high rent, or traveling to gigs on the subway wearing multi-layered petticoats:
...and lugging 100 lbs. of instruments/microphones/CDs/posters/etc. on luggage wheels (somehow its always ME doing the luggage lugging):
New York is, to paraphrase Hunter S. Thompson, "...a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
What we will miss are our dear friends, too numerous to mention here, but you know who you are. One of those friends is the lovely & talented Mary Olive Smith, who, along with Jess Beck, sings with Brandi in the all-girl trio Sister Swing, pictured here at a recent appearance with Reckon So at Banjo Jim's on Avenue C:
On Tuesday, July 18th we appeared live on WKCR-FM 89.9 to promote our "Goodbye New York" show, where I performed the ritual Kneecap Plumage Display (with accompanying Lower Lip Swallow) to warn Terry off my grazing
territory:
...while Alan reacts with abject horror, & Skip, sensing a threat, responds with an aggressive bare-legged Display of his own:
...all captured for posterity & future blackmail purposes on video for an upcoming documentary about the country music scene in New York City (hmmm, so it's science fiction, right?):
You may have noticed that I haven't been showing any pictures of our guitarist, Danny. That's because at the last two rehearsals he had a whacking great bandage covering his entire schnoz after minor surgery for a deviated septum...which, I'm sure, he would thank nobody to mention, especially after all the bad press he received from his recent arrest for giving the Kiss Of Life to a rubber raft at the nude beach in Sandy Hook, New Jersey. We were utterly repulsed, and ran to study the "Appropriate Conduct" clauses in our performance contracts to head off possible controversy.
Regardless, here's a nice Post-Op shot from the radio show:
But, wait...he's playing *GASP!* a competitor's guitar! I TELL YOU WE JUST CAN'T HAVE THIS...so I found a nice one of him with his lovely old Gibson ES-125, which will have to suffice until we can fix him up with an Advanced Jumbo or something similarly Gibsonian in the acoustic realm:
The next night, July 19th, we played our "Farewell NYC" gig at Mo Pitkin's House of Satisfaction on Avenue A, to an adoring crowd of friends, fans, bill collectors and enraged Sumo wrestlers:
...where we were also joined on second fiddle by our good buddy Dennis Lichtman (from AstroGrass) on Bill Monroe's "Jerusalem Ridge":
...and comedienne Lindy Loo (aka Linda Hill) for some good old fashioned country humor, and a duet on the old Tennessee Ernie Ford and Ella Mae Morse song, "I'm Hog Tied Over You."
And, as always, Brandi sings her little heart out:
I TOLD YOU SO DEPARTMENT: Just as predicted, she has prized the Southern Jumbo out of my sweaty little hands and claimed it as her own. It does look awfully cute on her...
All told, a fine evening was had by one and all, and was a good warm-up gig for the tour, which starts bright and early Tuesday morning, July 25th.
Here are those dates again:
* Jul 25, 2006 8:00 PM
Whiskey Dix Saloon, Philadelphia, PA
421 North 7th Street, Admission $5
http://www.whiskeydixsaloon.com* Jul 26, 2006 7:00 PM
Blue Ridge Music Center, Galax, VA
608 West Stuart Drive, Admission $10
http://www.blueridgemusiccenter.org
With The Cana Ramblers
* Jul 27, 2006 NOON
Live TV appearance "The Noon Show" WCYB-TV Channel 5, Bristol, VA
http://www.wcyb.com/* Jul 27, 2006 3:00 PM
Live radio appearance "Roots & Branches"
WETS-FM 89.5, Johnson City, TN
http://www.wets.org/* Jul 27, 2006 8:00 PM
Down Home Pickin' Parlor, Johnson City, TN 300 W. Main Street, Admission $8
http://www.downhome.com* Jul 28, 2006 NOON
Live radio appearance "Blue Plate Special"
WDVX-FM 89.9, Knoxville, TN
Noon-time Concert/Live radio appearance featuring The Dixie Bee Liners at One Vision Plaza, 301 S. Gay Street. Lunch is available at Cafe Gourmet or bring your own!
http://www.wdvx.com/programs/BluePlate.html* Jul 28, 2006 8:00 PM
Patrick Sullivan's, Knoxville, TN
100 North Central Ave., Admission $10
http://www.patricksullivans.com* Jul 29, 2006 9:00 PM
Eddie's Attic, Decatur, GA
515-B North McDonough St., Admission $10 advance, $15 at door
http://www.eddiesattic.com With our friends Slim Chance & The Convicts!
AUTOGRAPH SESSION WITH BUDDY'S DAD!!!
* Jul 30, 2006 TBA
Live radio appearance "My Own House"
WRFG-FM 89.3
http://www.wrfg.org/home.aspI'd love to meet some of you at any of these shows, especially if you bring gifts. Or food. Or gifts AND food!
I'll be back a-yappin' atcha again in a couple weeks, armed with photos from the tour, sordid stories from the road, a pile of smelly laundry, a discussion on Gibson strings, a report on bluegrass in London, England with our good friends The Coal Porters, Mp3's of our silly custom radio station ID's, and maybe even a new recipe...for disaster!
Y'all come back, hear?
Buddy
